She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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