Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
