This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize