I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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