I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize