I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
