Banned from zoo.
Again?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
