My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
