just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
