She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
