I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
there's paper in my vomit.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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