she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
