Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
