I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
