It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
