you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
