So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
