Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize