I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
