wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
