how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
