just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
