Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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