She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude i'm inner monologue high
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
