All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize