The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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