dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
