Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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