the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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