she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
