She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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