yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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