when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
