I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
