I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
