Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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