You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
