I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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