There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
