so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
