I want to walk on stilts...naked
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
