I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
