I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
