note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
