My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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