Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
