i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
