I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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