Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
