I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
