I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
