He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
