You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
