I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this just has baby written all over it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
