After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
