Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
