It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
