It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
