I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
