Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize