Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
"it" just moved
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
