Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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