is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
