I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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