I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
